


Is There Something I Should Know?

by romanticalgirl



Series: Running to Stand Still [7]
Category: Dawson's Creek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-14
Updated: 2014-02-14
Packaged: 2018-01-12 07:20:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1183452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally posted 11/14/01</p>
    </blockquote>





	Is There Something I Should Know?

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 11/14/01

Joey looked over at Dawson, watching his chest rise and fall slowly and evenly. "Dawson?" When he didn't respond, she slipped out from under the covers and left the bedroom.

Closing the door behind her, she moved down the hall and stopped just outside Pacey's room where she'd run into him earlier. She rested her head against the wood and sighed. Quietly turning the knob, she moved into the dark room.

She walked over to the bed and sank down onto it, burying her face in the pillow. She refused to close her eyes, unable to see anything but the look on his face as she'd run into him. She hadn't even bothered to explain, knowing the truth would sound unbelievable. Half dressed and in Dawson's room had obviously added up to only one thing in Pacey's eyes.

"Fuck," she sighed and pushed off his bed, heading over to his desk. She ran her fingers over the scarred wood and sighed again, heading toward the door.

"Looking for something?"

She looked up, blushing at Dawson as he stood shadowed in the hallway. "Restless. Couldn't sleep. I thought I'd be nosy."

"Didn't you and I get in a huge fight once upon a time about me invading your privacy?"

"I wasn't pawing through his underwear drawer, Dawson." She crossed her arms across her chest. "I thought you were asleep."

"I woke up when you closed the door."

"And you didn't come investigate right away?"

"I gave you the benefit of the doubt." He shrugged. "Mistakenly, apparently." Smirking, he shook his head and walked over to Pacey's bed and reclined on it. Grabbing a t-shirt off the blanket, he tossed it to her. "Did you want to see if it smells like him? Good luck though, since it's more likely to smell like whatever girl he was with when he was wearing it."

Joey gave him a knowing smile. "Do you really think that I expected him to be celibate after he broke up with me, Dawson? That I expected him to be pining away for me?"

Dawson shrugged. "Do you come here to see me, Jo? Or are you just hoping for a chance to see him?"

"Nice that you think so little of our friendship, Dawson."

He sighed and shook his head. "Pacey makes me a little crazy."

"No." She shook her head in mock disbelief. "You're joking."

"Ha ha."

"You're going to have to accept the fact that he and I had something, Dawson. And it meant a lot to me. And it doesn't just go away because it's over."

He nodded. "I know that."

"Do you?"

"Sure." He smiled and climbed off the bed. "Intellectually." Holding out his hand, he tilted his head toward the door. "Can we go back to bed now?"

She nodded and followed him out of Pacey's room, closing the door behind her. Dawson led her back to the bedroom and climbed under the covers, waiting until she was settled beside him before turning on his side and looking at her.

"Can I ask you a question I have no right to ask?"

"Does it matter if I want you to or not?" She touched her finger to the tip of his nose. "You're going to ask either way, Dawson. But I do reserve the right not to answer you."

"Fair enough." He took a deep breath. "I know you and Pacey…I know you guys…" He blew out his breath. "Has there been anyone else?"

Joey laughed softly. "Yeah. I made the most of my time alone in Capeside this summer."

"I don't necessarily mean in Capeside." He didn't look at her. "You're in college now. Something tells me there's been an opportunity or two."

"You'd think if I found someone, I probably wouldn't be spending all my Saturday nights here with you."

Dawson nodded. "You still haven't answered my question."

"I reserved the right not to."

"True."

"What about you?" Joey gave him a lopsided smile. "Have you yet?"

"Have I what?"

She shrugged, "You know, coy just really doesn't work on you."

"Have I had sex?"

"Yeah."

"Yes."

Joey stared at him without speaking. Finally she cleared her throat. "Yes?"

"Yeah." He lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. "At school this summer."

"Oh." She lay back on the bed too, staring at the ceiling as well. "Oh." After a few moments, she cleared her throat. "Well…night, Dawson."

He was silent for a long time. "Night, Jo."

 

~**~  
Wade stands at the dock where Stephen's boat is docked. Stephen is on board, checking lines and other…boat things.

Stephen - (acknowledging Wade for the first time) I'm surprised to see you here.

Wade - What? You thought I'd be too petty to come?

Stephen - I thought you'd be too pissed. (He shrugs and moves to the edge of the boat, his gaze almost challenging.) You here to talk her out of it?

Wade - You don't think I could?

Stephen - I think you want to so bad you can taste it. But I think you're afraid that if you try and stop her, you'll just make her more determined.

Wade - Do you really think you're anything more than a passing fancy? She wants a bad boy, someone to shake her life up. You fit the bill. But in the end, I'm the person she loves. You know that as well as anyone.

Stephen - Well, you've already told me that you know it's not about love. Isn't that what you said? That there's no way it can be about that for us because I don't know how to love and she's still in love with you? So if you're so sure of that, buddy, why the hell are you here?

Wade - Just saying bon voyage.

Stephen - You'll forgive me for not believing you, won't you?

Wade - You just can't handle that I'm the better man than you, can you, Stephen? You can't handle the fact that after this adventure, you're going to find yourself alone. You're going to have nothing left, Stephen.

Stephen - You just can't let yourself believe that she loves me, can you?

Wade - You just have to make yourself believe it, don't you? Just remember, Stephen, if you hurt her, I'll make you regret that you were ever born.

Stephen - With my supposed best friend threatening me, what makes you think I don't already?

Wade - Because you think you've won, so you're gloating. You think you've managed to take something from me or whatever, but in the long run, you're going to do what you always do, Stephen.

Stephen - (Getting mad, his hands balled into fists, his body looking poised to fight.) And what is that?

Wade - (Looks over his shoulder and sees Stephanie coming down the pier. Turns back to Stephen and smirks.) You're going to screw it up.

~**~  
Nicole sat down on the low stone wall, smiling as Pacey pulled the riding mower up beside her. He idled it for a few seconds then shut it down. "Hey stranger, how's life on solid ground treating you?"

"You don't call. You don't write." She sighed dramatically. "If I had low self-esteem, Pacey Witter, you'd be in big trouble."

"Luckily there's no danger of that." He gave her a lazy, sexy smile. "C'mere."

She shook her head. "You're all sweaty."

"You say that like it's a bad thing." He cocked an eyebrow. "C'mon. I'll take you for a spin around the courtyard."

"And disappoint your fans?" She nodded in the direction of a small group of women sitting on one of the picnic tables in the nearby quad. "I don't want to get lynched, thanks very much."

"Aw, I wouldn't let 'em hurt you." Pacey grabbed the towel that hung out of his back pocket and wiped the sweat off his forehead. "However, if they offered to mud-wrestle you for me…"

"You wipe the sweat off and you'll stop glistening in the sun." She walked over to him, running her fingertips along his neck, catching the sheen of sweat. "They like the glistening."

"They like? Or you like?"

"I've already had you, Witter. The challenge is gone." She took his hand and let him pull her onto the mower in front of him. "So, you like having a big machine throbbing between your legs?"

"Yeah. The grounds crew all fight over it every morning, but we've all agreed that I'm the only man used to dealing with this big a piece of machinery, so I usually win."

"I'm glad you've been working on that ego issue. You were pretty shy and retiring down on the islands."

Pacey laughed and leaned into her. "How's the wild college life so far?"

"Good. Classes are easy. Cute boys are everywhere."

"How's your roommate?"

"A total bitch." Nicole smiled broadly. "Just your type."

"I'm not attracted to total bitches."

"I see you again after a month of being apart and now you're denying your attraction to me."

"Are you a total bitch then?"

She nodded and leaned back against him, inhaling the heavy scent of sweat and sun and skin and air. "Mostly."

"And that's why I like you?"

"I can't think of any other reason."

Pacey chuckled against her neck, his lips grazing her skin. "I can think of a few."

"I told you the challenge was gone." Nicole shrugged and pulled away from him, sliding off the mower. "It was good to see you, Pace."

"You too."

"You seeing anyone?"

"I'm seeing lots of anyones. But not anyone in particular."

"Good for you." She grabbed her backpack off the bench and tilted her head. "Have you seen your girl lately?"

"She's not my girl."

"I'll take that as a yes."

"She's dating my roommate. Or not dating him. I'm not sure. I try and stay out of it." He shrugged and turned the mower back on. "It was good seeing you."

She nodded and moved closer, leaning in carefully and kissing him on the cheek. "It was really good to be seen."

~**~  
Stephen steps off the boat and helps Stephanie onto the dock. She smiles up at him, but the light doesn't quite reach her eyes. There are many things left unsaid, even after their summer at sea, and though they seem happy, it's obvious there's something wrong somewhere in their relationship.

Stephanie - Home sweet home, huh? (She still holds his hand, but stands away from him, staring off into the distance.)

Stephen - You think they missed us at all?

Stephanie - I don't know. I'm pretty missable. (She moves closer to him and lets him envelop her in his arms. She looks over his shoulder, seeing something we cannot see). You on the other hand, are probably more the out of sight, out of mind type.

Stephen - (with a laugh) Is that what you think of me? My own girlfriend, ready to shuttle me off and out of her life so she can move on.

Stephanie - (raising an eyebrow) Are you telling me that I could try that and it might actually work? (laughing) Although I suppose if I can put up with you for three months at sea with no escape…

Stephen - I offered to drown you.

Stephanie - Fine, with no escape save death, I can handle the day to day relationship stuff.

Stephen - Does that mean that you're gonna miss me when we go our separate ways?

Stephanie - Maybe, in your case, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Stephen - That sounds like an excuse to get rid of me.

Stephanie - (smiles and kisses him lightly) I'll see you tonight, okay?

There's silence for a long moment as they look at each other, truth in their eyes even if they're both unwilling to admit to it.

Stephen - After you see him?

Stephanie - He's my best friend.

Stephen - No, he was my best friend. To you, he's something more.

Stephanie - (a dangerous note in her voice) Are you asking me not to see him?

Stephen - No. I'd never ask that of you. (He looks down at the ground for a moment before looking back up to meet her eyes.) Just promise me that I'm not going to be out of sight, out of mind, okay?

Stephanie - If you were that easy to forget, Stephen, we never would have made it this far.

~**~  
Joey sank down onto her bed and pulled her pillow over her head. Nicole looked up from her book, one eyebrow raised. "Hey."

"Hey." Joey mumbled from beneath her pillow.

"How was your weekend with Captain Platonic?"

Joey tossed the pillow away and rolled onto her side to look at Nicole. "Do you have to call him that?"

"C'mon, Jo. You sleep in the same bed with this guy every weekend and he has yet to even attempt to nail you."

"We've been sleeping in the same bed for years, Nicole."

"And he's never seriously tried to nail you? Maybe I should call him Captain Eunuch." She shook her head. "Why do you do this to yourself, Jo? You're obviously not into the guy. Why give up prime mating time to hang out and watch movies and sleep with someone who'd rather jerk off than fuck you?"

"You're just the epitome of class, aren't you?" Joey laughed and sat up, crossing her legs Indian-style. "All that rich bitch upbringing, and you're just all about the sex."

"Joey, honey, I don't care if you were brought up in Podunk, Arkansas, Capeside, Massachusetts, or as the Queen of England. It's always all about the sex."

"You're so jaded," Joey informed her with a smile. "And so wrong. I was a virgin until I was almost eighteen. And Dawson's still…" Her smile faded. "Dawson's a bad example."

"What about your ex-boyfriend? The other one. The hot one."

"Pacey?"

"I see you had to think about that one." Nicole laughed and pulled her pillow into her lap as she leaned back against the wall. "He wasn't a virgin."

"No. He wasn't." Joey blushed. "Pacey'd…well…Pacey waited for me for nine months. Never once pressured me to have sex."

"Because he didn't want it, or because he knew you weren't ready for it?"

"He knew I wasn't ready."

"And you think he just lay in bed every night, dreaming sweet dreams about bunnies and flowers and walks through the woods with you? Or are you going to stop bullshitting me and own up to the fact that the boy probably beat off every night thinking about having sex with you until you screamed."

"You're so uncouth."

"I'm very couth," Nicole assured her with a laugh. "You put your boys on this Virginal pedestal." She watched Joey shift uncomfortably. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"While you were dating Pacey and waiting for the magical moment when you wanted his cock inside you, did you…take care of business?"

"Why are we talking about this?"

"We're girls. We're roommates. We talk about men. We talk about sex. You tell me yours and I tell you mine. It's the law of being women."

"You tell me yours then."

"Fine." Nicole grinned slyly. "You want to know if I masturbate?"

"I didn't ask that!"

"That's what I'd asked, Joey. And you wanted to know mine." She couldn't help her grin as Joey blushed crimson. "Come on, Jo. You dated Pacey for…how long?"

"About a year."

"And you had sex for how long?"

"About three months."

"And before that?"

"What do you mean?"

"You fooled around?"

"We kissed."

"Kissed?"

"And…well…a little other stuff. Not much. I was…I'm too…" Joey shook her head. "Shut up."

Nicole barely suppressed her smile. "Right."

Getting off the bed, Joey walked over to her desk and sank down in the chair. "Last night was a comedy of errors."

"Yeah?" Nicole continued to try not to grin, still failing miserably. "Did Dawson try and slip it in and miss? Poke you in the nose or something?"

"Very funny." Joey stared down at her hands. "Well, I told you that Dawson and Pacey are rooming together, right?"

"Yeah. I don't get that at all."

"Me either." Sighing, she continued. "But they are and every Saturday night when I go over there, Pacey's very conveniently not around."

"Seeing someone else?"

"According to Dawson? Several someone elses. Which is fine. I mean, we broke up; we're both free to see whomever we want. I mean, it can't be the easiest thing for him to accept the fact that I spend my weekends with Dawson. I think. Anyway, so Dawson and I are in his room getting ready for bed and suddenly he tells me that there's this HUGE rat running toward me. I screamed and took off, ripping the door open and running straight into Pacey."

"Which was good?"

"Good," she nodded. "In that he was then soaked to the skin with the water I made him drop when I screamed. And in that his hands were nice and strong on my arms when he caught me so I wouldn't fall. And good in that his body felt really, really nice against mine before he let me go."

"But?" Nicole stretched back out on the bed and looked over at Joey, who was studiously not looking at her.

"But the look in his eyes when he saw that I was wearing a shirt and a bra and panties and nothing else, coupled with Dawson wearing nothing more than a pair of boxers…" Joey shrugged. "He probably got the wrong impression."

"Not if he knows Dawson nearly as well as I do."

"But…well, I would imagine that Pacey knows that…I didn't know it at the time, but Dawson apparently…he lost his virginity over the summer, and that changes everything."

"Not from what you're telling me."

"But Pacey probably thinks it does. And Pacey probably thinks that Dawson and I are sleeping together. In the more…physical sense."

"So? He broke up with you, Joey. You said yourself that he's been seeing other women. Why do you care?"

"I don't want him to think that I'm with Dawson. Because I'm not. And…well…because he thinks that I spent a lot of the time we were dating wishing I was with Dawson, or wanting to be with Dawson, or…" Sighing again, Joey shook her head. "Pacey has this problem with my relationship with Dawson."

"Sounds to me like all three of you have a problem with your relationship with Dawson." Nicole raised an eyebrow. "Why don't you just sleep with him and get it over with?"

"Dawson?"

"No." Nicole shook her head. "One night while Dawson's asleep, dreaming of whatever it is he dreams about, just sneak out of the room and slip next door and fuck the shit out of Pacey."

"I don't want to fuck him."

"Yeah?"

"I don't just want to fuck him."

"That one I believe." Nicole pulled her textbook in front of her. "Sounds like you're screwed, Jo. Only, you know, not in the best way possible."

~**~  
Stephanie knocks hesitantly on a plain bedroom door. There's no answer, so she opens it, pushing her way into the quiet room. She turns slowly in a circle, staring at the walls, different than the last time she'd seen them. There's still an Imagine poster dominating the wall above the bed, bringing a smile to her face. But there are no other posters. Nothing now but pictures of their friends and of their town. She walks over to the side of the bed and picks up a framed picture, studying it until she realizes what it depicts

Wade - You recognize it?

She turns slowly to see him, standing in the doorway, his eyes watching her. There's emotion in them, but it's one she can't - or simply won't - read.

Stephanie - It's the dock.

Wade - It's the dock you left from. The dock you sailed away from with him.

Stephanie - Wade…

He smiles and shakes his head, whatever he wanted to say not going to be said. Walking over to the bed, he sits down on it, patting the space across from him.

Wade - You know, it hasn't been the same without you.

Stephanie - (smiling, willing to let the unspoken remain so) Yeah?

Wade - Yeah. You'd be amazed at what a guy can get done when he doesn't have some too tall girl from the wrong side of the creek hanging around him all the time.

Stephanie - (still smiling, knowing that he's teasing her, knowing that he could never see her that way) So, you didn't do anything.

Wade - Nope. Hung around with the gang, but that was about the extent of my wild and crazy summer. What about you?

Stephanie - Sailed. Swam. Ate way too much fish.

Wade - Fish?

Stephanie - It was free.

Wade - Ah.

Stephanie - It's beautiful out there on a boat, Wade. You can't see anything but ocean for miles and miles and you can just get lost.

Wade - Did you? Get lost?

Stephanie - (She pauses for a moment, reflecting. He watches her with keen interest, knowing that this answer is important to both of them, to their future.) I came home.

He smiles and nods, getting off the bed and moving over to his desk chair. He's still watching her, but happier now, knowing that, no matter where she went for the summer, she's here now. With him.

Wade - Where's Stephen?

Stephanie - Home, I guess. We thought we could use a little down time before we got back to the couple thing.

Wade - So you're still a couple then? No horrible fights to the death on the high seas, ending with you dumping him overboard?

Stephanie - Nope.

Wade - Damn.

Stephanie - You'd miss him eventually.

Wade - I really doubt it.

Stephanie - (sighing) I should… (biting her lip nervously) I should go. See the family.

Wade - Was I your first stop?

Stephanie - You knew you would be.

Wade - I didn't. I…I have to admit that I did hope.

Stephanie - You got your wish.

Wade - But you said you DIDN'T throw him overboard.

She laughs and gets up, kissing him lightly on the forehead.

Stephanie - I'll see you around, Wade.

Wade - Steph?

They both pause, frozen, both afraid to move, both knowing the unasked question that lingers in the air will change everything just as quickly as the emotion in his eyes could have.

Stephanie - Yeah?

Wade - (shakes his head, looking down at his hands) Nothin'.

Stephanie - (at the door and looking back at him) No.

He looks up and smiles his thanks at her, his heart in his eyes, pounding in his chest.

Wade - The best news I've had all summer

Stephanie - Yeah?

He nods and watches her walk out the door.

Wade - Yeah.

~**~  
"I don't want to."

"Please, Joey? I hate these things with my entire being, but having you there will at least make it fun."

"Right, because the people that normally bother you will be bothering me, asking me questions about how I like Worthington and how I got here and where I'm from. That's the last thing I need."

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?" Nicole got down on her knees and batted her lashes as she stared up at Joey. "I have a purty dress you can wear and everything. I just cannot make it through another dinner party at my parents' house without at least one other girl my age there."

"It's Saturday night. I have plans."

"Right. You and Dawson are going to watch ET and then you'll have to listen to him talk about the new re-release that has all the good stuff cut out and changed. They took out the 'penis-breath' line, Joey. It's not worth it anymore." Gesturing to the midnight blue dress that lay spread out on Joey's bed, Nicole grabbed the hem of Joey's shirt and hung on it. "Puhlee-hee-heee-heeese?"

"Nicole…" Joey giggled.

"You can say penis breath at the party. As many times as you want. You can say it to our butler. You can say it to my father's associates. You can say it to the Alumni Wives Association leader. I'll tell everyone you have Tourettes and then they'll all be impressed with your courage at coming to college and they'll give you more money for overcoming adversity. You can even shout out worse things. You can tell my mother to stick a dildo up her ass and live out my very favorite fantasy of telling her off in public in front of my father and her esteemed colleagues."

"Nicole…"

"I'm beggin' ya, Jo."

"Dawson's really looking forward…"

"He just wants to tell you that he thinks Spielberg is a genius for taking into account the changing times and altering the movie. And even though you think both he and Lucas are dickwads for doing it and messing with the collective memory and delight of millions of people all over the world, you'll be too annoyed and dismayed by the fact that he thinks that way to say anything. And you know you can't argue with him, because he's stubborn and pigheaded and will never allow that you might be right, so pleeeeeeease come to the dinner with me."

Joey couldn't help laughing as she sank down on her bed, reaching down to disengage Nicole's hands. "You sure you've never met Dawson?"

"I've only heard you talk about him." Nicole sank back on her heels. "Does this mean you're coming with me?"

"Maybe. Let me call Dawson."

"No! He'll try and guilt you into watching the movie. Don't let him win, Jo. It didn't even win an Oscar. And now it especially wouldn't because Herr Director has changed it and therefore made it crap! Don't give in to the dark side, Jo!"

"Okay. I'll email him." Joey slipped around Nicole and headed for her desk. "But I'm still going to feel guilty as hell."

"You'll be too busy being bored out of your skull to feel guilty," Nicole promised. "Besides, if it ends early enough, you can still manage to make it over there and have another rousing evening of…further boredom?"

"You don't even know him, Nicole."

"I don't have to, Jo. I've heard his messages on the machine. That's enough for me to judge his character. And I've heard all about your wild nights of no passion sleeping next to the amazing Non-Erection Man."

"He gets erections."

"Yeah? When you're present? Or has he just told you about them?" Nicole got off the floor and sat on the edge of her bed as Joey called up her email program. "Seriously. You ever seen the guy with an erection? Felt it pressed against you?"

"Nicole!"

"I mean, you say he's gotten laid now, so I suppose he had to have one…hmm." She tilted her head, smiling as Joey continued blushing. "Did he mention if he slept with a girl? Maybe he's gay."

"Dawson is not gay!" Joey whirled around. "Trust me, I've had a gay boyfriend before. I'd know."

"Obviously not, if the guy was gay and your boyfriend." Nicole gathered up the burgundy dress on her bed and held it in her lap as Joey wrote her email. "Quit apologizing."

"I feel bad."

"Don't. He'll get over it." She was about to say more when her phone rang. "Hello?" She rolled her eyes. "Hang on." Holding the phone out to Joey, she smirked. "It's your neutered pal."

"Nicole!"

"Just got his email. Soothe his ravaged ego and hang up. We've got a party to go to."

~**~  
Wade opens his door and looks out, his brow furrowed, as there doesn't seem to be anyone there. Finally, he notices Stephanie off in the distance a bit, hiding in the shadows. Sensing something wrong, he closes the door behind him, shutting out the light that's streaming from the open doorway.

He walks down the steps and comes up to her, close to touching her, but not quite able to do it.

Wade - Steph?

Stephanie - (sniffling) I didn't know where else to go.

Wade - What's wrong? What happened?

She refuses to look at him, instead staring out at the creek, darkened by the night.

Wade - Stephanie?

Stephanie - (tears echo in her voice as she turns slightly, almost so that he can see her) I'm scared, Wade.

Wade - Scared of what? (His voice trembles, afraid for her.)

Stephanie - Of what I've done. Of how I feel. Of how I've messed everything up.

Wade - I can't believe that. (He touches her now, his hand gentle on her shoulder. He turns her to face him, feeling as if he's been punched in the gut as he sees the tears that stain her face, sees the sorrow in her eyes.) Tell me.

Stephanie - (shaking her head) Not here. Not now.

Wade - Come on. (He lets his hand slide down her arm until he can entangle their fingers, holding her hand and guiding her to his house. They walk up the stairs slowly, reaching his bedroom. She hesitates at the door.) Steph?

Stephanie - You must hate me.

Wade - I could never hate you.

Stephanie - I hate myself.

Wade - Tell me what happened, please? Before I start imagining the worst?

Stephanie - (She watches him for a moment then, unable to hold his gaze any longer, looks away.) I slept with him.

Wade - (suddenly feeling as if he *has* been punched in the gut) Oh.

Stephanie - You don't have to say anything. I know what you must think of me.

Wade - If you think what I think about you or how I feel about you has changed because of this, then you've forgotten everything I thought you knew about me, Steph.

Stephanie - (She shrugs, afraid to believe him.) This goes quite a bit beyond the known boundaries of our relationship.

Wade - True.

Stephanie - And the fact that it was…

Wade - I know who it was.

Stephanie - You have to admit it adds a certain level of…

Wade - Betrayal?

Stephanie - I was going for weirdness. (She laughs nervously, chewing her lower lip.) But I guess betrayal works.

Wade - (feeling bad and guilty, not wanting to hurt her) Weirdness is better. (He smiles at her, his heart lifting as she returns it with a measure of thanks.)

There's a long silence that neither is quite willing to break. Finally, he finds the courage to do so.

Wade - Do you love him, Stephanie?

Stephanie - (a tentative nod) Yes.

Wade - So why are you here?

Stephanie - (She moves to the porch and sits in the swing, staring at her feet, afraid to look at him.) I'm not quite sure. I mean, I know, but I…

Wade - Were you with him tonight? Did you come here to rub it in my face?

Stephanie - (She looks up at him horrified, even though it was said without blame or accusation.) No! No! I…you're who I rely on, Wade. Who I talk to. You're my best friend.

Wade - All that doesn't quite add up to you here on my lawn instead of reveling in post-coital bliss.

Stephanie - I wanted it to happen. (She speaks softly and he has to strain to hear.) All along, right up until…until it did. And then the magnitude of all of it - what we were doing, what it might change, what we'd done to you…

Another long silence, during which she stares at her hands and he stares at everything but her.

Stephanie - I wanted to stop. I wanted to stop and I asked him to stop but it was too late to stop. (Tears roll down her face as he looks at her.) And then it just wouldn't stop. He just wouldn't stop. He wouldn't…couldn't…and I was fighting and crying and…

Wade - (His voice is low, dangerous) Did he hurt you?

Stephanie - No. Not…not really. I mean, I do love him. I wanted him. I want him. But it wasn't what I wanted and I couldn't… (She cuts off as the tears win the battle and she cries.)

Wade - You asked him to stop.

Stephanie - I wanted to stop. It was too late to stop.

Wade - It's never too late to stop, Steph. (He gets to his feet and offers her his hand. She grabs it like a lifeline, standing beside him.) C'mon. I'll take you home.

Stephanie - Do you hate me now?

Wade (flinching slightly at her wounded tone.) I love you Stephanie. Always.

~**~  
"Roberts?" Nicole leaned against the wall and sighed. "Have you seen my mother?"

"No, ma'am."

"Okay. Stop that." She laughed and shook her head. "You haven't called me ma'am since I was…what? Twelve?"

"It's a formal dinner party, Miss Nicole."

"Yeah. Right. And it was the first night I gave you a blow job too, but you sure as hell weren't calling me ma'am in the storage room."

He looked away and opened the door as the bell rang. After greeting the entering guests, he shut the door and gave her a mock-glare. "Actually, I think I did call you ma'am."

"Was that before or after the 'oh fuck yeah'?"

"After, I think."

She smiled and pushed off the wall. "If you see her, will you tell her that my dad is looking for her?"

"Yes ma'am." He leaned down and winked at her. "Or should I say fuck yeah?"

She walked off laughing, looking in on Joey as she started toward the stairs. She was sitting on one of the low sofas talking to Mr. Kubelik. Any familiar port in a storm. Walking slowly up the stairs, she surveyed the party below, looking for her mother in the crowd.

Not seeing her, she headed down the hall to her parents' bedroom and paused with her hand on the door. Soft sound filtered out through the thick wood and she slumped against the wall, waiting.

About ten minutes later, the door opened and her mother stepped out, looking cool, collected, and slightly rumpled in a silky gray dress that clung to her. She stopped when she saw Nicole, smiling widely. "Hello, darling."

"Mother."

"What can I do for you, dear?"

"Daddy's looking for you." Her voice was cold as her mother smoothed back her hair, sweeping it back toward the combs that held the cascade of curls in place. "Has been for a while. I hope, for your sake, he hasn't also been looking for another of our guests."

"I don't know what you mean, Nicole." She smiled calmly at her daughter, starting for the stairs. "And I don't know that I appreciate what you're actually implying."

"Oh really?"

She looked back and smiled once more before heading down the stairs. "Really, dear."

Nicole was about to follow her when the bedroom door opened. She turned and froze, staring blindly at Pacey as he pulled the door shut behind him. "Pacey?"

"Hey." He smiled brilliantly at her, shouldering his tool belt. "Bathroom's all fixed."

"Right. I'm sure that's what you were here working on."

"What?"

"Nothing." She shook her head, pressing her lips together to keep them from trembling.

"You look amazing."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He nodded, unsure about her sullen responses. "You okay, Nicole?"

"I'm fine." She bit out the words, fighting to keep the tears that threatened from falling as he started toward the stairs. "Wait."

"What?" He turned around and smiled at her. "You're not going to ask me to be your date tonight, are you?" Gesturing to his khaki shorts and damp t-shirt, he smiled. "Because I'm a little underdressed."

"No. I was going to suggest you take the back stairs down into the kitchen so you don't offend our guests." She smirked.

He looked at her oddly, nodding his agreement. "Sure, Nicole. No problem."

"Oh, and Pacey?" She was trembling with anger, her hands compulsively clenching the velvet material of her dress.

"Yeah?"

"Bringing the tool belt? That's a really nice touch. Very authentic."

"What?" He asked, turning around to face her, shrugging when he realized she was gone.

~**~  
Stephen is standing on the dock, staring up at the stars. Wade approaches slowly, staying half-hidden in the shadows. The camera slowly circles Stephen, starting at his crotch, then winding up until we see his face, his smug grin of satisfaction.

Wade - Proud of yourself?

Stephen - I really don't know what you mean.

Wade - (watching Stephen's grin change to a smirk) I think you know exactly what I mean.

Stephen - I know what you're implying. (Stephen turns so that he's looking directly at Wade, challenging.) But it doesn't apply to what I'm feeling.

Wade - (disbelieving) Really.

Stephen - I made love to the woman I love tonight. I'm thrilled. Ecstatic. Overjoyed. But I'm not proud.

Wade - Making love. Is that what you call what you did to her?

Stephen - What she and I did together was making love, Wade. Whether you want to accept it or not.

Wade - What you did to her, by law, is rape.

Stephen - You're delusional.

Wade - She said no.

Stephen - She never said no.

Wade - You fucked her against her will.

Stephen - We both wanted what happened to happen.

Wade - (His voice is still calm, controlled, masking the anger that flashes in his eyes.) Is that why she came to me in tears? Is that why I had to console her?

Stephen - (He's starting to look flustered now, afraid. The words bother him, but not as much as Wade's conflicting demeanor.) You're so consumed by your jealousy and hatred of me that you'll say anything, won't you?

Wade - I don't have to lie about this. She came to me, Stephen. I know the truth. I know she said no.

Stephen - She said yes to me, Wade. You're the only guy she's said no to…or was that just that you said no to her?

Wade - (He ignores Stephen's jibes, knowing they can't hurt him, can't touch him.) She said no because she didn't want you. She wanted you to stop.

Stephen - (Desperate now, his eyes wild as he looks around to see if anyone is near them, listening.) No. She wanted me.

Wade - She cried while you raped her.

Stephen - We made love…

Wade - (His voice is hard. Cold. No mercy.) You raped her.

Stephen - (His voice is a whine of desperation and guilt.) I didn't rape her.

Wade - (His voice is raised, almost a shout.) She said no!

Stephen - (He's shouting, raging, taking a step toward Wade in his anger.) No! She said stop!

Wade doesn't say anything in the wake of the confession, the loud sound of his fist slamming into Stephen all the conversation needed. He stares down at Stephen in disgust.

Wade - What exactly do you think stop means, you son of a bitch? (He can't look at Stephen now, can't believe this *thing* was ever actually his friend.) I'd better not see you near Stephanie again. Because if I do, I'll kill you.

~**~  
Joey looked over at Nicole, concern etched in her features. "You okay?"

"Fine."

"You don't look fine. You look pissed as hell."

"It's nothing. I'm fine."

"Uh…" Joey closed the dorm door behind her and moved over to her bed. Nicole dropped on hers and buried her face in her pillow. "I can see that. You're doing a really credible impersonation of fine. However, since I'm the proud owner of an intellect bigger than that of a walnut, you want to tell me what's wrong?"

"No."

"Something at the party?"

"Joey." Nicole sat up, barely masking her annoyance. "I don't want to talk about it. I know that seems like a foreign concept to you, since you and your friends seem like the type of people who analyze shit to death, but I'm not like that. I don't vomit out my problems in a spate of verbiage and then pick the remains apart, okay?"

"I'm just trying to be your friend. I'm sorry if that's a bother." Joey's voice was soft with hurt as she got off her bed and moved over to her closet. "Well, I'm going to take a shower and get out of your dress. Feel free to wallow in your misery while I'm gone. I'll be sure to take my time."

Nicole waited until Joey was gone before ripping off her dress and tossing it in the corner of the room. Grabbing her robe, she wrapped it around her and started pacing the room, anger boiling just under the surface. She kept her eyes closed, navigating the small room simply by kicking anything her feet touched out of her way.

Her anger still boiling, Nicole shoved the window open and took a deep breath of the cool fall air, standing there until she was shivering and slightly calmer. Closing the window, she turned around and stared at Joey's desk and the picture of her and Pacey that sat on it, angled so that Joey could see it from her bed.

A slow, malicious smile spread across Nicole's face, her clear eyes darkening. She walked over to the desk and picked up the framed photo.

She didn't look up as the door opened, though she could see Joey hesitate in the doorway. "Did I ever tell you about my summer, Joey?"

"No." She walked slowly into the room and laid the borrowed dress on Nicole's bed. "You never did."

"I met this guy. He was amazing."

Joey smiled and settled on her bed. "Yeah?"

"Oh yeah. Sexy, gorgeous, tanned. Mmmm." She set the picture down slowly.

"And I'm just now hearing about him?"

"Well, you're the Queen of Drama in this room." She smiled to alleviate the sting. "I wouldn't want to try and take the crown."

"Trust me, it's one I'd gladly relinquish." Joey drew her knees up to her chest. "Tell me more about your guy."

"Well, we met and it was lust at first sight." She grinned. "He shook my hand and gave me this look, you know?"

"Oh yeah," Joey sighed softly. "I know the look."

"Anyway, we spent all of our time together."

"Yeah?" Joey grinned, remembering, as she lay down on her bed, hugging her pillow.

"And it was like magic, you know?" Nicole watched Joey's eyes flicker to the picture of Pacey. "It was like we were meant to be together, like he was my other half. My…what's the word?"

"Soulmate?"

"Mmm. Yeah." She sighed, an echo of Joey's earlier one. "Oh, Joey, he was so amazing. So loving, so tender. He touched me like he cherished me. He made love to me all night long. I don't think I've ever had better sex."

"The sex was good?"

"The sex was heavenly. God, Jo, I think I came…"

"Uh…"

Nicole laughed at Joey's blush. "Sorry. Forgot about your virginal attitude."

Joey's expression grew defensive. "I'm not…Pacey and I…" She gave up and blushed. "Shut up."

Nicole shook her head. "You make it so easy, Jo."

"Whatever." Joey stuck her tongue out. "So, you saw this guy all summer?"

"Yeah. I even dumped my steady boyfriend for him."

"But what if it was just a hot, summer fling?" Joey shook her head. "Not that I'm saying it was, but don't you want…aren't you…how did you…"

Nicole felt a flash of guilt as Joey's eyes danced with humor and vicarious thrill. "Well…"

"I mean, I get that he was sexy. But what if he was just…enjoying you? Have you seen him since then?"

"He's here at Worthington." Nicole glanced at the picture of Pacey, her anger flaring. Fucking my mother. "But we've both been so busy…"

"But you saw him tonight?" Joey sighed happily. "Did he try and sneak you away from the party? Is he coming over here?" She looked around. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No, he…"

"Did he blow you off?" Joey got off her bed and sank down beside Nicole, wrapping her arm around her shoulder. "Is that why you're so upset?"

"No." Nicole swallowed hard. "He didn't. He just…he wants to start from the beginning. Make sure we weren't just caught up in the heat of the moment."

"That's good though," Joey assured her with a hug. "That means he wants it to work out. Be for real."

"But don't you think it means he's having second thoughts?"

"Wanting to be sure doesn't mean second thoughts necessarily." Joey shook her head. "I think it means he wants to prove to you both that it's more than sultry summer sex." She smiled broadly. "That's a good thing."

Guilt twisted in Nicole's stomach again.

"You know what would be fun?"

"What?"

"Well, what better way to show someone you're serious than to introduce him to your friends?" She grinned, not noticing the flash of regret in Nicole's eyes. "I had to make a deal with Dawson to get tonight free, so a bunch of us from home are getting together tomorrow night. Why don't you come?"

"I don't know." Nicole couldn't meet Joey's eyes, an embarrassed blush staining her cheeks.

"C'mon!" Joey grabbed Nicole's hand and squeezed it. "I'll even let you call Dawson penis-breath."

Nicole couldn't help but laugh. "An inviting offer."

"It's a great way for you two to connect with no pressure." Joey smiled. "Say you'll come."

"I'll come."

"Now get on the phone and invite your guy."

"I don't know…"

"Do it or I'll ask your parents about him."

Fucking her mother.

"Okay," Nicole nodded in agreement, still unable to meet Joey's eye. "I'll call him tomorrow."

~**~  
It's dark as we come in through Wade's bedroom window, focusing on the television screen. St. Elmo's Fire plays quietly in the background, focusing on the scene where Ally Sheedy tells Andrew McCarthy that she doesn't want to be with him or Judd Nelson's character.

Stephen stands in the open doorway, watching Wade, who is sitting on the bed, watch the screen. For a second, both of them glance at the window, the curtain stirring in the breeze.

Wade - You've got a lot of nerve. Or you're amazingly stupid.

Stephen - Some would say both.

Wade - I've got no desire to see you, Stephen. So why don't you get the hell out of my house?

Stephen - Look, I know that I can't even begin to…apologize for what happ… (He stops as Wade gives him a look.) What I did.

Wade - You're right.

Stephen - I can't apologize. (He clears his throat, shifting nervously.) But maybe I can explain.

Wade - There's no explanation you can possibly give me that would excuse what you did. Nothing can justify that. Nothing can rectify it.

Stephen - I did it for you. Because of you.

Wade - (scoffing) For me? How typical of you to blame someone else for your crimes, Stephen.

Stephen - Not… (He hesitates; his bright blue eyes stay focused on Wade, searching his gaze for something…forgiveness?) Not for you. Because of you.

Wade - Because of me.

Stephen - Because of you. Because of who you are. What you are.

Wade - What are you talking about?

Stephen - All my life (He moves over to the bed. Wade stiffens, relaxing as Stephen walks past him and sits on the end of the mattress. Stephen's eyes land briefly on the TV, smirking at the correlating scene.) I've wanted to be like you. I mean, you've got it all, Wade. Perfect family. You're smart, girls like you. Everyone likes you.

Wade - People like you.

Stephen - People like me because I'm your friend. Your loyal sidekick.

Wade - Not so loyal.

Stephen - I wanted your life. And the biggest…Stephanie's the most important person in your life and I thought…I thought…(He sighs sadly.) I thought maybe if I had her, everything else would fall into place.

Wade - And did it?

Stephen - Some? Yes. Most? No. (He refuses to look at Wade.) She was the worst of it though. You were never completely out of her mind or her heart.

Wade will not look at Stephen, though a loving smile replaces the look of disgust on his face, as hope for his future with Stephanie flares in his eyes.

Stephen - Even that night…maybe especially that night, it was too much. She was staring up at me and she's ready to make love to me and all I can see in her eyes is you. No matter what I do, I'm never going to be you. (He gets off the bed and starts pacing, his voice raised in anger, his eyes bright with tears.) All she sees is you. All she wants is you. No matter how much she denies it.

Wade - That's no excuse for what you did.

Stephen - I tried so hard! (He's not screaming, but his voice continues to rise, somewhat hysterically.) I did everything she wanted, everything you would do. I *was* you for her. And it got me nothing.

Wade - You did something unconscionable, Stephen. She can't forget that. Or forgive that.

Stephen - She doesn't matter! (He falls to his knees in front of Wade, looking up pleadingly.) Don't you see that yet? Don't you see?

Wade - Stephen?

Stephen - I don't want her forgiveness. It means nothing to me. She means nothing to me. It's you.

Wade - What are you…

Stephen - I need you to forgive me, Wade. Absolve me. I did it for you. Because of you. Wanted her because you did. Loved her because you did.

Wade - I would never have raped her. (He pushes Stephen away from him, hard, sending him sprawling to the floor.)

Stephen looks up at him, wounded like a child spurned by his mother, like an average citizen spurned by the superhero.

Stephen - You have to forgive me.

Wade - (disgusted by the pleading in Stephen's tone) I can't forgive you, Stephen.

Stephen - All I wanted was to be like you.

Wade - Well guess what? This is just like everything else in your life, Stephen. You failed.

He walks to the door, leaving Stephen alone in the room as the movie screen fades to black as, after a moment of lingering on Stephen's distraught expression, does ours.

~**~  
Nicole waited until Joey had left the room to dial, staring down at the phone apprehensively for a few moments after the door had shut. She blew out a long breath before picking up the receiver and forcing herself to dial.

"Pacey's House O Porn. And the Dawson Leery residence."

"Hey, Pace. It's Nicole."

"Hey."

"Listen, I'm sorry about last night. I'd just seen my mother and you know how I am around her."

"I vaguely recall. Something like psychotic?"

She laughed with him, the strained sound fighting to get around the lump in her throat. "Yeah. Anyway…" She paused looking at the door. "What are you doing tomorrow night?"

"Dawson wants to drag me to some stupid get together with some friends of his."

"And you don't want to go?"

"Not in the slightest. Have you ever sat around with a group of film geeks for an extended period of time?" He didn't wait for her answer. "Although, there would be beer, which would alleviate some of the pain."

"Why don't I help put you out of your misery? Tell me when and where and I'll show up."

"Yeah?"

"Sure."

"If I tell you, you promise not to think I'm some sort of wanton manslut, eager to get back in your pants?"

"I promise." She nearly choked on the words, not hearing the bitter edge in his voice. "So? Will you?"

Pacey looked down at the computer in his lap, the words dancing in front of his eyes. Dawson sat on the couch across from him, smiling expectantly. Swallowing back bile, Pacey forced a smile. "Sure, Nicole. We're supposed to get together at seven."

"Seven it is." Tears stung her eyes and the hand holding the receiver shook. "I'll see you then, Pacey."


End file.
